I’ll Show You Mine If You’ll Show Me Yours…

I thought I would share some of the tweets on my favorites list. For those of you not in the know, Twitter is a social “micro-blogging” site. What the hell does that mean, you ask? Just think of it as text messaging with a gajillion people on the internet. You subscribe or “follow” each other and you can view random thoughts of others or even converse with others. Tweets are the messages you post in 140 character spurts. Twitter allows you to “fave” your tweets, and every now and then some will catch my eye that are quote worthy  or I just find hysterically funny. And don’t get bent out of shape if you recognize a quote and it hasn’t been properly attributed to the originator… no one really cares around here.

1. Well, I’m just here to help. And I think drugging people without their knowledge is fun.  [@malackey to @TheUserPool]
2. Programming is like sex: One mistake and U have to support it for the rest of your life. LMAO [@adbert]
3. Nice. Evil is the new good. [@eyesofthesouth to @farwyde]
4. There are easier things in life than trying to find a mate…like nailing jelly to a tree for example. [@aerobroken]
5. “Scantily” is my favorite kind of “clad” [@jackholt]
6. Retarded isn’t always an insult. It means ‘to be delayed’. Repeat that a few times and get back to me when you understand it. [@DieLaughing]
7. It’s not who you know but who you fuck, I guess. [@ThinkingStiff]
8. Nothing is better than @farwyde and her meow. #Meow [@dannybelize to @farwyde]
9. LOL this older lady is singing “killing me softly” and sang “killing me softly with his cock” :O [@HaggisMac]
10. Well, I’m not really saying I want to be normal, in fact quite the opposite. I’m just saying !failingAtMarriage != happiness [@dumbwhore to @bored369]
11. People with “sexy” or “hot” their screen names should consider using “marginally attractive” or “hideous but easy” instead. Less misleading. [@Aimee_B_Loved]
12. I want to always say back, “You’re very perceptive for a retarded person.” [@eunice007] after saying: It still fascinates me every time I hear someone tell me, “You speak really good English for an Asian person.”
13. This is the bad hair day foretold in the scriptures. [@badbanana]
14. Thought of the Day: We are like the spider. We weave our life & move along it. We are like the dreamer who dreams & then lives in the dream. [@David_Lynch]
15. Endlessly adored by words of no real meaning. [@jengrly to @farwyde]
16. I am so unmotivated to work out, I am considering crack. [@Mona]
17. Arguing this point is futile; arguing with you in general is not. Little princess. [@TheUserPool to @farwyde] in reply to @farwyde: Smart man…no point in arguing with me..
18. The only good time to slap a woman is in bed. And only if she likes it [@epicwelshman]
19. Are you still talking? I stopped listening after you told me to check out your MySpace page. [@joeschmitt]
20. It’s easy to have an opinion when you don’t have any experience to cloud your judgement. [@BevanLatz to @extralife]
21. Those aren’t kids, those are fuck trophies. #realtalk #mypickuplines [@EmpireRising]
22. It kind of makes me sad that it doens’t say “handle like eggs” on a case of eggs. [@Konstantine]
23. When I ask for a Coke or Diet Coke at a restaurant, and they say,”Is Pepsi alright?”,I want to answer, “I don’t know.” and then just stare. [@jasoncrouch]
24. OH: sex is a universal language which is a good thing because sometimes you just don’t want to understand what he’s saying. [@cari2702]
25. You know what it means when you sneeze? It means that God thinks you’re a slut. [@twoname]
26. I tried telling the kitten “you’re the reson Mommy drinks,” but she doesn’t seem to understand. [@jenxer]
27. Was going to read the dictionary cover-to-cover, but found a note inside from my future self telling me not to be so magniloquent. [@aedison]
28. Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them. [@PeterSantilli]
29. Lord please forgive me of these following acts of sin. [@coco_buzz]
30. Sanity is back-ordered. Sarcasm is in unlimited supply. -Peter Santilli [@PeterSantilli]
31. I admire people who have the strength to see only black and white. But then again they are often stupid fucking morons! [@etcjones]
32. The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. Its being forgotten by the person that you cannot forget. [@CeeBee]
33. Please confirm: In the Venn diagram of “Douchebaggery” and “Hipsterness”, there is little to no intersection. [@rands]
34. Nevermind the instructions. Following the instructions will give you cancer. [@gmarvin]
35. When I hear release management, I think of curing premature ejaculation. it means something quite different in application upgrade lingo. [@_amadeus]
36. You know how sometimes you just click with a new friend? Me neither. [@jasoncrouch]
37. Just accidentally typed that Apple was “still making monkey.” Oh, how I wish Apple made monkeys. Gleaming, aluminum and glass monkeys. [@dmoren]
38. “The 1001 Reasons To Stay In Bed”, by Far Wyde. Cover blurb: “This book changed my life! No longer do I have cold toes!” -@jnassi [@jnassi to @farwyde]
39. There are sex in those fries. [@MissSomething]
40. INSTANT MESSAGE: FUCK YOU [@leisuretown]
41. Some lady on the street asked if the red all over my shirt was ketchup, and I laughed and laughed. It was ketchup, by the way. Hot dogs! [@Johnny_C]
42. “I always find myself divinely inspired during moments of sheer coincidence.” I am, of course, quoting myself. [@TheUserPool]
43. “He shoved the fear of God in me” — now THAT’S a very elegant double entendre. [@SnakeCharmers]
44. “The shorter the line the older the whore” [@infobunny]
45. An expert is someone who knows more and more about less and less until, ultimately, he knows everything about nothing [@sebasroy to @farwyde] in response to @farwyde: If I’m an expert at nothing…does that still make me an “expert”…?
46. “Love at first sight” is only a twenty-four hour alcohol induced disease. The tricky part is returning your date before the zoo reopens… [@wbaustin]
47. There’s nothing new to think that hasn’t been thought of before, and there’s nothing to believe we haven’t already forgotten. [@beccaomgz]
48. I found out why the French are so… well, French. It’s the cheese. It binds them. I know I’m bitchy when I’m constipated too. [@Aimee_B_Loved]
49. I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m nice to you because your mental imbalance scares the shit out of me. [@MadisonMitchell]
50. We’d be called Troup 3-Way…and we’d wear sashes that read: EAT MAH COOKIES BITCHES! [@TechBabe to @farwyde]

~ by Far on March 4, 2009.